every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i think im in europe. pls send help
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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