Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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