so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
