watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
