1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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