I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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