I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
