I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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