The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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