i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
