Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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