all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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