It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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