there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
