You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
