Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mom said you looked used
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
