Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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