THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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