I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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