so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
