Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
