I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
