kristin has been a bad kristin
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
