Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
