This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
