It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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