I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
