So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
