I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
