I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know her cup size but not her name....
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