I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
