there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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