she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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