I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
