All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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