I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
