Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
