ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
