ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
