Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
