Your face is a jimmy john
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
