You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
