let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
