saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
