I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize