I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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