I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
