how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
