I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
