all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
