I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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