So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
is it fun? or sober?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
