everyone is single if you try hard enough
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
