I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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