if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
