Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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