I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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