do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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