I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
this is an emotional support booty call
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
