your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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