Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
