Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
