I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
