Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
