In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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