Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
