all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
