hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
